The Good, Bad and the Ugly

One thing I try to be in my blogs is transparent. Being a missionary is not all warm and fuzzy moments. I want you to know what my life is like here so I want to share the hard times too. Today was one of those hard days. However, it was a good day too. So here is the good, bad and the ugly of my last 30 hours here...

Thursday evening... Suzy and I handed out the salary to the staff. Every month, we get people who are unhappy. Every payday is a battle. People want to be paid more than the agreed salary, people want to be paid even if they didn't show up for work... there are so many issues that come up. This month was no different. About three weeks ago Suzy met with the Sudanese medical staff to discuss their salary. An agreement was made with them that they all understood. When it came time for payday three of the employees were upset and stormed off. We wondered if they would show up for work on Friday.

Thursday after dinner, I watched two episodes of The Office with Stephanie and Jessica. We are starting a new tradition of watching The Office every Thursday. We all had been feeling tired and overworked, so laughs were just what we needed. As I left their room, I heard a lot of noise at the clinic. I walked over there and saw many people gathered. A man, Madit, was driving a motorcycle and ran into a car. He was drunk and had severe injuries. Madit appeared to have a serious brain injury, internal bleeding as well as several gashes that needed suturing. Since he was thrashing around, I helped hold him down while Dennis sutured a nasty wound in his leg and others suctioned his lungs. I was actually able to watch as Dennis did his work. He even identified the different layers for me as he sutured. He was impressed with some knowledge I was able to recall from high school physiology!

After two hours, I began to get a little light headed and had to leave. Plus, my feet were on fire from multiple mosquito bites that I couldn't scratch because my hands and feet had blood on them. Margaret was scheduled to do devotions in the morning, but because she was still helping Dennis when I left around midnight, I told her I would cover her. So, once I got back to my room, I prepared a devotion and went to sleep around 1:30am. The clinic staff continued to work on other emergencies that came in, including a small baby with pneumonia who ended up dying in the morning. Madit made it through the night and was taken to Wau in the morning. The clinic staff are my heros. They work so hard and work under difficult conditions – mosquitos attacking, low light, not enough supplies, little sleep, patients who thrash around... it's incredible what they are able to do.

After a short walk in the morning, I led devotion and noticed none of the Sudanese clinic staff (seven of them!) showed up. So we made a plan to cover the clinic ourselves: I did registration with Margaret, Suzy cleaned the clinic and got things organized, we pulled other employees from the compound over to translate. Everything went very smoothly. Margaret and I rocked registration and the doctors were very efficient, seeing all 100+ patients by lunch time. The clinic ran better than it did with the seven Sudanese staff there. I loved doing registration. I learned the Dinka phrases I needed to ask to get all their information. People enjoyed me attempting to say their name and residence correctly. I hope I get to do registration more. I loved interacting with the patients.

Around 12:00, we noticed the Sudanese staff had all gathered under the mango tree (where the patients wait to be registered). Seeing them there got me angry. They were acting childish and were pulling a stunt that they thought would hurt us. When they saw we were just fine without them, they got angry. I asked Suzy if I could ask them to leave. Being there while we covered the clinic was like a slap in the face. She said ok and I went over to ask them to leave. Right away, two of them got really aggressive and started yelling at me. They refused to leave. I couldn't believe they would not honor a request from their employer and I got upset in return. I got riled up and things got ugly. At one point, one guy was in my face and I thought he was going to hit me. I got Suzy and when she came over to ask them to leave, they treated her the same way. Then I got Sabet to handle it and went back to registration.

I was really shaken up and hurt. I felt betrayed and disrespected. I never had a problem with these guys and here they were fighting with me. It stayed on my mind all day and really discouraged me. In the evening, we had a meeting with the rest of the clinic staff (clinical officers, nurse, pharmacist, midwife, Sabet, Suzy and me) to discuss the future of the Sudanese employees. I was very emotional and would have been happy to let them all go. Why would we want to keep them when their purpose today was to hurt the clinic and the people we serve? They thought we would close it down without them. Plus, verbal and physical aggression should not be tolerated. And, we operated better without them. We talked about each person and decided to let one go and suspend the others.

Sabet gave us an idea of what they were thinking from a cultural perspective. 1. They have a problem accepting orders from women. 2. They have primitive and tribal thinking. 3. Their culture is a violent one and that's often what they resort to instead of being rational. 4. They don't know the appropriate way to handle problems so they do they only thing they know – fighting. I am expecting them to act like I or any other rational person would which is not something they know how to do. I should have just walked away and got Sabet right away instead of getting into it with them. Suzy encouraged me not to take it personally and give them grace. At the end of our meeting, she prayed for me. I was really struggling with forgiving these guys.

After our meeting, we walked over to the dining room and I saw that the table was all decorated for my birthday. Suzy arranged for tea and cake to be set up. It was really beautiful and I felt special and loved. I got really nice cards and presents including a Sudanese dress and lotion. Then after dinner we played, Peanuts, a great card game. We had a blast. Margaret and I were on a team together and almost won, but Suzy and Mercy beat us by one point in the last round. The day ended great. After feeling so down, it was the perfect ending. God is so good to provide a way to pick me up. It reminded me of the lyrics to the song All in All

You are my strength when I am weak
You are the treasure that I seek
You are my all in All

When I fall down You pick me up
When I am dry You fill my cup
You are my all in all

So, that's a snap shot of my last 30 hours. The good, the bad and the ugly. Granted, it wasn't a normal day. Please pray for me as I attempt to love these guys as Christ loves them whether they deserve it or not. Also pray that I can let go of the hurt, forgive them and not hold a grudge.

Here are some pictures of my lovely party...