The Birth Story - Part Three

After the ultrasound, they wheeled me to the delivery ward and began to prep me for surgery. This may sound silly to those of you who have had one before, but I was really dreading the catheter (sorry if this is TMI!) To my horror, the first thing they did was put in the catheter. And it wasn't in the OR, it was in a hallway, with many people walking by. Patient privacy is not at all a concern or priority here. So, after dreading it and feeling so vulnerable and exposed, I completely lost it. In the hallway, on the bed, I just sobbed and sobbed. I was processing all the emotions of this experience and couldn't stop compose myself. People here are very tough and don't cry often, so I think I really freaked out the staff. They kept telling me to stop crying because it was bad for the baby, but I couldn't calm down. Each time I felt Julia move, I wondered if it was the last time I would feel her move.

Fortunately, George was allowed in the OR. Most places don't let men into the delivery room, either for a standard birth or a c-section. I was thrilled the doctor agreed to it. I think it was only because we are friends with the chief of the department so we were given leeway not offered to the standard patient. Whatever the reason, I was so relieved George was there. Poor George came out in scrubs to find me a disaster in the hallway. Eventually I was able to calm a bit and was soon wheeled into the OR.

The next terrifying experience was the spinal tap. I have always feared this. The thought of a big needle being sent into my spine was so scary. What if I moved during the injection and became paralyzed? I realized crying and being upset would increase the chances of problems so I set my mind on Jesus to calm down. I just repeated over and over "Jesus, give me peace and hope... Jesus give me peace and hope..." This worked and I was able to control myself. When the doctor came to do the spinal tap, I just relaxed and gave into the process. I was shocked that it wasn't painful or scary AT ALL! I barely felt a prick. The doctor was incredible.

What was not incredible? My super bionic legs. After the spinal tap, my legs felt a little tingly, like they were going to fall asleep. But, they never went dead. The doctor asked me, "can you move your legs?" I said "yep" and marched them up and down. This went on for twenty minutes. It helped to lighten the tension in the room because each time I marched my legs up and down, the doctors were shocked, we all laughed. Finally the doctor said "I am going to give you a sedative and you won't feel the procedure. " I didn't know it was general anaesthesia and wondered, "what do you mean I won't feel it?" Then something went in my IV and I said "I think I am falling asleep now" and I was out.

I didn't know what happened until I began to wake up. Weird things happened in my mind when I was under, though. That is for another post, but man.... it was weird. It wasn't like previous experiences with general anaesthesia. Eventually I was able to connect with a light and a voice... George's. I didn't have control of myself and could only murmur... "George... owie..... George.... owie....." Eventually "baby Julia.." was thrown in there as well. When I could understand him, George told me Baby Julia was alive and cried when she came out. George followed her down to the NICU with the pediatrician and said she was tiny, but stable.

The first twelve hours after the surgery found me flat on my back under the influence of pain meds. After twelve hours, I stood for the first time and was moved back to my old room. I was sore, but felt pretty good. I think because I never lost use of my legs, it was much easier to recover. Saturday evening or Sunday morning, I was able to go with George to see Julia for the first time. I had seen a photo of her that George had taken and thought she looked pretty good. Before seeing her, I was nervous about it. I had only seen a little preemie on TV or in photos. When I saw her though, it hit me how small she really was. She looked way bigger in the photos. Her head was so tiny and I felt like I was holding this foreign creature, so fragile and vulnerable.

As soon as I was strong enough, I would be expected to go be with Julia to feed her. First I had to get to the point where I could walk alone. That point was not far off. Then my life at the hospital became all about her and not about me any more. Unfortunately, I had a little complication that would make my life much harder during Julia's first days.

Stay Tuned for Part Four - Life in a Third World Country NICU.