Dating and Marriage in Tanzania

Last Sunday we met with our discipleship class and women's group. George started off by going through 1 John chapter 2 with the class. Since I was in and out with Eli, I'll have to do another post with George's take on the class. What parts I was there for were really good. George is good at getting a discussion going and involving everyone. He left them with a challenge to do something to help out a neighbor.

After George was finished, it was my turn with the ladies. We began by going over our homework from the previous week - bringing a Bible verse that encourages us. It was neat to hear what each woman picked. There were no repeats in the bunch.

Each week, we'll be discussing issues that affect us as women. This week's topic was dating and marriage. I explained to them what dating was like in the US, generally. Then I asked what the process was like here. I didn't know what to expect. Some countries have arranged marriages and other different customs so I was curious what it's like in Tanzania.

I was told that men marry around age 30 and women around age 23 or 25, usually. Before they are at marrying age, dating is frowned upon and usually forbidden. Once they are ready to marry and find their desired mate (not arranged), they are introduced to the parents. If he/she is approved, the parents are brought together to discuss the terms. The biggest issue - the dowry. The dowry includes livestock (cows, sheep, goats, etc) and money to be paid by the man to the girl's family. After all is agreed upon, the marriage takes place within one to three years.

I thought it was interesting that they don't date before they are ready to marry. I hope my kids do that! I tell high school kids... there is no need to date in high school. Save yourself from the drama and temptation! I didn't date in high school and I am so happy about that. No regrets.

After we discussed the process of dating and marriage, we looked at what the Bible says about it and what kind of woman we should try to be. (2 Corinthians 6:14-16 and 1 Peter 3:1,2) One of my favorite verses is 1 Peter 3:3,4 "Don't be concerned about the outward beauty of fancy hairstyles, expensive jewelry or beautiful clothes. You should clothe yourself instead with the beauty that comes from within, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is so precious to God."I love the part that says "the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit."

It was fun to discuss this topic with the ladies. They ranged in age from 15-50+. Some of them are shy and got embarrassed. I encouraged them to be open. For the younger ladies, I encouraged them to commit to waiting for the right man and not settling for someone that doesn't share their beliefs. I made a commitment to do the same when I was young and prayed for a Godly husband.

At the end, I asked if anyone had prayer requests. One of the older "younger" ones had a prayer request she was at first too embarrassed to share. Finally she got it out and covered her face, laughing. Her request... prayer for a Godly husband. She is of marry age and has that desire in her heart. I told her not to be embarrassed and good for her for sharing. I told her so many people were praying for my future husband and I was so thankful.

I shared with them that at times, I have told people I would pray for them and then, sadly didn't. Perhaps I forgot or just didn't commit the time. Because there were a lot of prayer requests this week, we each just committed to praying for one woman - the one sitting on our right. We promised to remember our person everyday and lift up their need before the Lord.

The homework for next week - read Proverbs 31 and make a list of the attributes of a Godly wife.