Sleep Training

(Warning: this is a long post about Eli's sleep.  Feel free to skip it if you aren't interested!)

On May 4^th, it happened.  The day I have been waiting for eight and a half months at last arrived.  Eli slept through the night!!!!!!!  And it was lovely.

We have wanted to do sleep training with Eli for quite a while.  We knew he physically didn’t need to feed at night and that he was capable of making it through the night on his own.  Our questions were how and when?  We were going to do it at six months, but then he had the bad ear infection and then teethed like crazy.  Then we had visitors.   A couple times in between we were going to do it, but then chickened out because we knew it would be hard.  However, after my Mom and Al left, we knew it was time.

How, was the next question.  Sleep training is not done here.  Babies sleep with their mom and every cry is attended to.  When a baby cries, they are picked up and helped immediately.  We did research on several options including Babywise and Sleepy Planet.  And then there is the age old standard – the cry it out method.  Everyone we talked to (from the US), said that is what we should do.  It’s hard and horrible when you are doing it, but it works and is worth it in the end.  An American we know in Kisumu did a consultation with a sleep expert over the phone and he said the same thing. Establish a routine and let them cry it out.  They will be ok and won’t hate you in the morning.

I have always believed it was ok to let a baby cry a bit, but I didn’t realize we never let Eli cry until my Mom was here.  One time she asked, what would happen if you just let him fuss and cry for a minute?  I thought and said, I don’t know!  Eli isn’t a baby that cries endlessly. He is easy to soothe when he is fussy.  He is either tired or hungry. 

The attachment parenting style is more common here, although they don’t call it that.  It’s just what they have always done.  I have always thought I would be more for the parent directed method, but I think we ended up with a blend of the two due to our different cultural backgrounds.  It's funny how different it is here.  When we talked about sleep training to George's cousin in Kisumu, the thought of letting her daughter cry, horrified her.  I wonder how much of that is due to living conditions.  Most people here live with several people in a small house and often share beds with others.  In that circumstance, the need to hush them as soon as possible is understandable.  I also talked to my neighbor about sleeping arrangements for kids.  She said she would never put her child in a room away from her or alone in their own room until he was three.  Again I wonder how much of the parenting style came from necessity. 

Although Eli was easy to soothe, his sleeping habits were not very good.  To get him to sleep, we had to bounce him (in our arms or in his bouncy chair) after feeding him and then lay him down and pat his back until he was asleep.  If he woke up, he would cry and we would have to start the process again.  It wasn’t uncommon for him to wake up 4-5 times a night needing our help to fall asleep.  For naps, it was the same process, but he would sleep in his swing.  After the first three or four months of not getting much sleep at once (and almost losing my mind from exhaustion!), my awesome husband began trading off night duty with me.  Since then, we rotated and got to sleep uninterrupted every other night.  Enough was enough, though.  It was time for our little guy to do this on his own.

                                                                  

When we settled on the cry it out method, I felt uneasy.  I heard and read about the horror stories: babies crying for two hours.  I felt sick thinking about it.  I was worried that George couldn’t handle it because it’s very un-African to let a baby cry like that.  Meanwhile, he was worried that I couldn’t handle it.  The day after Mom and Al left, we committed to doing it.  We came up with a game plan and gave ourselves pep talks throughout the day.  This was going to be terrible. I envisioned Eli crying a long time, several times throughout the night.  Especially since he had become so dependent on us to sleep as well as had the habit of eating at least once during the night.

When the time came, we implemented our new routine and prayed.  Eli would have bath time, followed by play time on the bed, bottle, and books before being laid down in his crib awake.  It was much like the routine he always had with one big difference, we weren’t waiting for him to be asleep to leave him. 

And so it began.  He cried.  Our hearts broke.  I was so anxious; I didn’t know what to do.  We both tried to keep busy; wondering when the crying would end.

15 minutes later. 

Yep, that’s it.  He only cried for 15 minutes and then fell asleep.  Could it really be that easy?  We waited uneasily for him to wake up and begin crying again.  After all, it became a habit to wake up a few times a night.  Surely he would freak out when he realized no snack was coming and no one would bounce him back to sleep. 

He slept until 2:38am.  He cried for three minutes and then went back to sleep until 6:10am.  Wow, day one was SO much easier than we expected.  Thank you Jesus.  I totally credit Him for this miracle.

Night two was even better.  He cried for only six minutes and slept until 3:38am.  Cried for eight minutes and went to sleep until 6:00am.

Night three:  Cried for three minutes at bed time and slept until 5:12am!  Cried for two minutes and slept until 7:07am!

Night four: Cried for 30 seconds at bedtime and slept until 6:22am!  We did it!  He slept through the night!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Night five: Didn’t cry at all when going to bed and slept until 6:00am.  I think he has the hang of it!!!

We decided to do nap training at the same time.  He has gotten too big for the swing.  We can no longer fasten the buckle and he has nearly fallen out since learning to sit up.  Naps have been a little tougher than bedtime, but he is doing very well.

Where I used to dread bedtime, I now look forward to it.  It has been amazing to sleep through the night again.  And Eli is doing so well with it.  I think he was ready long ago, and we just held him back unintentionally.

Ahh……………. Sleep glorious sleep!   I missed you so….  Welcome back!