Acidental Offense

On Fridays, Mama Saida comes to bring us a weekly supply of vegetables. The first time she came, she raked our yard. The whole time, I felt so guilty. This woman works very hard and yet she wanted to stay and help us out. I felt really bad.

The following Friday, she again, wanted to help us out by raking the yard. This time, we told her “no, we are ok. Maybe next time.” Our intention was to save her time and energy (we found out that she fasts every Friday, so she didn't have any fuel to keep her going while working hard in the yard, in the heat. Another reason to decline her help.). She said ok and left.

On Sunday, I was informed we had offended her. Redemta, the pastor's wife, pulled me aside and very diplomatically and gently told me what we had done was wrong. Mama Saida sees us as leaders as do others in the church and they want to bless us, as they do Zac and Redemta. Often, they will come over to Redemta's house and help her with work. This is what Mama Saida wanted to do for us. She knows we don't have house help (as most people do) and are tired from Eli's lack of sleep at night so she wanted to help. By our refusing her help, we had hurt her feelings and denied her the opportunity to bless us. Now, I felt bad for a different reason. Inadvertently, we hadn't helped her at all. We thought we were doing her a favor by saving her work while actually offending her.

I asked Redemta if I needed to apologize to Mama Saida. She said no. Mama Saida would be embarrassed. I just needed to accept help when anyone offers it. I explained to Redemta that it was hard for me to do that. People here work so hard and I don't want to add to their burden by them working at our house. She said, they don't see it that way. It truly makes them happy to help. Things like raking the yard, sweeping and mopping the floor gives them joy when it helps us. I said, ok. I will allow them to help. To be honest, it does bless me and I do appreciate it. So if they want to, I will be honored to let them.

In general it's difficult for me to accept help from others. I don't think it's pride. Maybe it's guilt. I don't know. But I learned a big lesson through all this. I'm glad Redemta wasn't afraid to tell me. I am still adjusting to cultural differences and this was a big one I needed to learn.